Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted, to understand, than to be understood, to love, than to be loved...

My niece hasn't eaten in about twelve months. She's been tube fed, but that's not the same thing. And anyways, she always pulls the tube out. Shes about 30 kg I think. She went into a special unit in October last year. Several weeks before hand, I sat outside her bedroom for a week while her mum was at work. I hardly heard a peep from her, and only once actually saw her, when I went in to offer her something. I was petrified of what was happening. She was in that room with the curtains drawn like she was a vampire. The next time I saw her was Christmas last year. I was surprised as I didn't think she would come to the Christmas lunch. She sat at the table briefly, but was mostly hidden away in another room with her sister. Even her sister now, gets uncontrollably upset about everything. Several times when we were on holidays my sister would cuddle with her tell her everything was going to be alright. But it isn't. At least not in the short to long term. Her condition hasn't really changed. She can't go to one of the special treatment centres until she's eating again. She goes through cycles. Sometimes she's not too bad, will got out shopping or even to a movie (The Ring 2, mind you). Other times she's completely withdrawn, uncommunicative and painful to deal with. We all think that the staff at the unit do not know what they are doing and don't have the skills to treat a case like this. It's all up to my niece. She's bloody smart, and has even said recently that she wants to help other people like herself. But how can she treat other people, when she can't help herself. Or maybe I've got it wrong, and she's got it right? Shouldn't you care about other people, and not yourself, and this in itself will make you a better person? Twelve months is a long time, which went quickly and is probably not very long in the whole scheme of things. I am once step removed from all of this. My mother and especially my sister are distraught regularly about the whole bloody mess. My father doesn't really care (or at least creates the impression he doesn't care). I care, but am at a total loss as to how I can help and feel guilty for not making more of an effort. I try and help out all the time (picking people up, minding the niece etc.) but it doesn't seem to add up to much. My niece is the sweetest kid, very generous and smart. For some reason she just doesn't care anymore. Or she's tired of caring. Perhaps she has made so much effort the first fifteen years of her life, she has peaked too early. She was a perfectionist at school and excelled at everything. She was bullied at different times, but even that had come around more recently. The writing had been on the wall for some time, but it was too obvious to be noticeable. Maybe she needs to start thinking about other people than herself. Her mother, her sister, her grandmother, her friends, the people that care about her and want her to get better. There's no point to the path she's taking. Sooner or later she has to realise this. "What goes around, comes around..."